When someone asks you to be their best man, you shouldn’t take it lightly. Before saying yes to the title, stop to think whether you are up for it. Ask yourself if you really are the man that the groom expects you to be, not just because of your wedding responsibilities, but because you will be taking your friendship to another, more meaningful level. It’s not just a question of what the groom wants. You have to be honest with yourself and answer a few very important questions.
Do you have what it takes to be the best-man?
Are you a loyal and reliable friend? These are not the qualities easily found nowadays, and unfortunately, they are often the first to fade in people under the inevitable burden of life and reality. Are you the kind of man who can stay above it all and put others first if necessary? Are you willing to sacrifice for your friend no questions asked? If you can honestly say that you are best man material, then you should consider if the groom is worthy of your best man talents. Even if you have been friends all your lives, you should get any “unfinished business” out of the way. Before accepting the best man offer, get the things you want off your chest.
Is your friendship solid enough to make it a lifetime bond?
Don’t be someone’s best man just because it’s polite to accept such an offer. Look back at your relationship with the groom and try to remember the key moments that solidified your bond. How do you feel about this person? Is this someone you look up to? Do you share the same values and passions? Has he been there for you as much as you have been there for him? Do you see the two of you being friends when you’re old? Do you know him inside and out? You don’t want your relationship with your best man to become exchanging cards for the holidays and birthdays. You want this person to be the first number on your speed dial, you want them to be you emergency contact, and someone who can pick you up when you fall down on your face. Someone you’d really miss when you wouldn’t be able to see them. Someone you can trust.
Do you like the bride?
This is an important question to ask yourself. How well do you know the bride? Is she a good person? How does she treat your friend? What makes her the right match for him? Do you think she truly loves him? What is your relationship with her? If you don’t think that your groom has chosen the best bride for himself, then you shouldn’t accept to be the best man. Rejecting the offer could hurt your friend, but it’s better to be honest than to have problems later, or realize that you were right all along. It’s better to let your friend know what you think about his future life partner, than to bless the union and end up being the enemy or the one who should have said something, if things go south.
Is the groom happy?
You can make one hell of a bachelor party, guard the rings with your life, organize a wedding surprise and make your couple the happiest people on their wedding day, but that won’t guarantee they will go the distance. Try to read between the lines and understand if you’re friend is truly happy with this person. If you know of any reason why the two of them should not be together and you don’t like it, then don’t agree to be the best man. You will not be dedicated to the task if you know that the relationship is untrue or based on interests, not feelings. If you’re so close with the guy, you can tell if he’s faking it. Whatever the reason, you should stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Make sure you are 100% sure of what’s going on. He’ll probably thank you later and ask you again to be the best man if he decides to get married in the future.
